For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

(John 3:16 ESV)

Do you trust God?

That, really, is the heart of the gospel. Can we, knowing our failure, move past and accept his forgiveness, allowing him to free us from slavery to our sin? He is not the source of our failure to change. We are. We fight against him, not wanting to relinquish the identity that our sin grants, not trusting God to -really- forgive. We look for the catch, wait for the other shoe to drop. So very many people, Christians and seekers alike, suffer from an inability to trust, and it isn’t hard to understand why. Our world, and our lives have conditioned us to be suspicious. “There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch,” Robert Heinlein is famous for writing.[1] People troubled by the problem of evil have a different angle on this question, though, that must be addressed: “Can I trust God?”

The problem of evil, at its core, consists of and is driven by this question. It is not some moot philosophical musing meant for erudite minds who converse via elevated, scholarly prose pregnant with references to the ideas of much smarter men. It is a question we all must ask ourselves, and a question I have been asked, via the vehicle of the problem of evil, on countless occasions by tortured seekers trying to understand the mind of God. Before delving into the answers my research has uncovered, I believe it prudent that we first define some terms, particularly the broad assumptions of the problem of evil itself.

The problem of pain can be boiled down to a non-sequitur in syllogistic form:

· God is Good

· God is all-knowing and all-powerful

· Evil Exists

It is a non-sequitur because the conclusion, that “evil exists,” does not follow from the premises. This is the simplest form of the problem of evil, and on its surface there certainly does seem to be a problem! Each of these statements can be, and generally are, accepted as axiomatic, with very little investigation into what each statement really means. So let’s explore each of these statements in reverse order, starting with the conclusion, “evil exists.”

The Nature of Evil in the World

Perhaps the easiest part of this problem for which to find evidence, the existence of evil is what most of humanity sees as the source of the problem. The other two statements are generally taken as axiomatic and understood in whatever cultural vernacular may shape their form in the mind of the thinker. But, it is useful to examine and define evil in the sense I wish to address it. Evil, for the purposes of this work, is sin. The reason I wish to define evil thus lies in the fact that the events, acts and impulses we would define as evil, such as murder, divorce, child abuse, and even larger events such as the Holocaust or the ongoing tragedy of human trafficking in Africa as well as southeast Asia, all find their impetus in sin.

Now, it is important here that I note I am discussing sin as a corrupting force in creation, and not in any specific sense. In other words, I cannot, nor can anyone, point to any sin or set of sins by any person or subset of people that is the cause of the aforementioned disasters, other than to point all the way back to Adam and the original, inherited sin. That sin corrupted the very fabric of creation, to the point that God destroyed, not just man, but all living things at the flood:

The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the LORD was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart. So the LORD said, “I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, man and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens, for I am sorry that I have made them.” But Noah found favor in the eyes of the LORD. (Genesis 6:5-8 ESV)[2]

That sin was, as are all sins both then and today, an irrational deviation from the “will of desire” of God, whose penalty before God is eternal death. Now, there are a lot of claims there, so let me pause for a moment to break these down a bit further. First, sin is always irrational. Rebellion from perfection and comfort in the glory of God to imperfection and pain in the absence thereof cannot be the result of a rationally weighed and measured decision. Since it cannot be rational, it must then be irrational and rely on some other motivation than logical thought. That motivation is often an expression of pride, or of desire or greed. All sin, however, has at its core some form of idolatry; that is, placing something, someone or some idea in the place of God, and giving that something your worship. None of these explanations serves to make sin any more rational, however.

God’s will is popularly understood in two contexts, his “will of decree” and his “will of desire.” The former is expressed in God’s perfect and ultimately unobstructable plan for creation. His will of decree will come to pass no matter the machinations of man or angel. We see this will best expressed in the Bible when Paul talks about predestination in Ephesians chapter 1.[3] The other part of God’s will, the “will of desire” is where He lays out His plan for us and then gives us the limited ability to choose whether to honor those desires or not. This is where the idea of “free will” comes in, a term which, as John Calvin noted, brings to mind the image of man as the master of his mind and will such that he “can incline himself to either good or evil.”[4] This is of course an unbiblical and wrongheaded view of human will. Jesus says in Mark 10:18, “No one is good except God alone.”[5] We are creatures of continual sin, and even the subjective moral good we accomplish in life is corrupted by sinful motives and desires (and therefore not objectively good). We are incorrigibly sinful by nature, or as a Calvinist might put it, totally depraved. John Piper says it this way:

In his total rebellion everything man does is sin.

In Romans 14:23 Paul says, “Whatever is not from faith is sin.” Therefore, if all men are in total rebellion, everything they do is the product of rebellion and cannot be an honor to God, but only part of their sinful rebellion. If a king teaches his subjects how to fight well and then those subjects rebel against their king and use the very skill he taught them to resist him, then even those skills become evil.

Thus man does many things which he can only do because he is created in the image of God and which in the service of God could be praised. But in the service of man’s self-justifying rebellion, these very things are sinful.[6]

Evil, then, is a direct result of sin, and sin is the constant state of rebellion of mankind which has corrupted creation root and branch, hoof and feather. Thus far, evil is not a result to be laid at the feet of God, but of mankind. But perhaps moving on to one of the other statements in the non-sequitur that is the problem of evil will shed some light on why so many philosophers have assigned the guilt for evil at the foot of the throne of heaven.

Job – A Story of Sovereignty

God’s omniscience and omnipotence, that is, that he is all-knowing and all-powerful respectively, is nowhere better displayed than in the book of Job. In the story, God gives Satan permission to torment his faithful servant Job to prove a point, that Job will remain faithful regardless of the torture levied against him. After losing his home, his family (except his harpy of a wife), and his dignity, Job finally questions God, shakes his fist at heaven. God’s answer to Job is incredibly instructive on the subject of the problem of evil, and will show up in other places in this paper:

Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

“Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?

Dress for action like a man;

I will question you, and you make it known to me.

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

Tell me, if you have understanding.

Who determined its measurements—surely you know!

Or who stretched the line upon it?

On what were its bases sunk,

or who laid its cornerstone,

when the morning stars sang together

and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

“Or who shut in the sea with doors

when it burst out from the womb,

when I made clouds its garment

and thick darkness its swaddling band,

and prescribed limits for it

and set bars and doors,

and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther,

and here shall your proud waves be stayed’?”

(Job 38:1-11 ESV)[7]

The point, of course, is that Job is questioning the all-powerful creator. The questions are rhetorical. God is driving home a point, here: that he alone is sovereign over creation, being the hand (and voice) that shaped it from nothing in the first place. This concept of sovereignty will be of utmost importance later in the paper. But God isn’t finished:

“Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?

Do you observe the calving of the does?

Can you number the months that they fulfill,

and do you know the time when they give birth,

when they crouch, bring forth their offspring,

and are delivered of their young?

Their young ones become strong; they grow up in the open;

they go out and do not return to them.

(Job 39:1-4 ESV)[8]

Again, God questions Job, but this time his questions are not about might, but about knowledge. God is again driving home a point that he alone is knowledgeable of all that occurs in creation; he alone is all-knowing. These concepts are simple enough to understand in our culture, as time and cultural mores have not significantly changed them from the absolutes they deserve to be. When we speak of God as being all-knowing and all-powerful, the concept as it forms in the minds of most in our culture is essentially accurate. The last (or rather, first) part of the problem of pain, then, remains: that God is good.

Goodness is Glory is Grace & Wrath

“I put it thus—could God be beheld by the mind of man and His perfections unfolded to our creature apprehensions, we would perceive that the chief splendor of His Majesty lay in His Infinite Benevolence!”[9] says Charles Spurgeon in a sermon on Exodus chapter 33. God’s glory, then, is expressed in creation as his goodness. The source scripture for this quote is Exodus 33:18-23, wherein Moses asks God to reveal his glory. God’s reply was: “And he said, “I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name ‘The LORD.’ And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy.“ (Exodus 33:19 ESV)[10] Again, we see this theme of sovereignty at the end of the passage, where God declares that it is his decision how, where and when to mete out wrath or grace. But that’s not what I want to point out, here. When Moses asks God to show him his (God’s) glory, God responds that he will reveal his goodness. So, when Spurgeon says that were we able to see God’s glory, it would look like benevolence, he’s inferring from this passage. But, then we have to consider what comes after when God talks in the same breath about goodness and grace. Spurgeon continues, “The full display of the goodness of God, however, is reserved for the working of His Grace in the redemption of man.”[11] Keep in mind that this working of grace is only a “display” or an expression of God’s goodness, not the sum and total thereof. Coming back to the idea of sovereignty I noted previously, Spurgeon finishes the thought:

It would appear, however, that in the manifestation of this Grace, the goodness of God shines in a peculiar light. Another attribute is blended with it. Permit me to read the verse to you—“I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the Lord before you, and will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy to whom I will show mercy.” You observe here, that while God’s goodness is His Glory, the very glory of His goodness lies in His Sovereignty.[12]

So, according to Spurgeon, and I think this is an accurate and faithful exegesis of the passage in Exodus, the goodness of God is expressed in creation through the sovereign exercise of grace and wrath in response to sin. Why is wrath included? Because implied in God’s statement that he would choose to whom to grant mercy and grace is that he will choose likewise NOT to do so for others. This idea is reinforced multiple places throughout the bible, but none so clearly as in Romans 9 where Paul quotes this passage and comes to the same conclusion as Spurgeon:

What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God’s part? By no means! For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills. (Romans 9:14-18 ESV)[13]

I think it is of equal importance in this discussion of God’s goodness to keep in mind while studying the issue that we human beings, God’s creation, are not the stars of the story. We’re not the point of the parable, and we’re not the most important characters in the show. God’s glory is. We are merely a vehicle by which God’s glory is being expressed. Certainly He loves us, but never lose sight of the fact that He does not NEED us. D.A. Carson, in “The God Who Is There”, says:

In eternity past, before there was anything else, God was, and he was entirely full of joy and contentment. Even then he was a loving God because in the complexity of God’s oneness, the Father loved the Son. There was an otherness right within God himself. He did not create human beings because he was lonely…[14]

And then Wayne Grudem picks up the thought in his “Systematic Theology”:

Nevertheless, God created us for his own glory. [Earlier in the book] we noted that God speaks of his sons and daughters from the ends of the earth as those, “whom I created for my glory.” (Isa 43:7, Eph 1:11-12) [15]

This truth is important because we human beings like to feel important, and without a reminder otherwise, it is easy in talking about God’s goodness, glory and grace to imagine ourselves somehow equal participants with God in the expression of his glory. Again, we’re back to sovereignty. God is sovereign because he does NOT share this decision-making power with the Hebrew people. The laws he’s handed down to Moses are not, then, meant to save, to be the measuring stick by which one “achieves” grace. God, we see from the passage in Exodus, is clear about this from the start. He in fact seems quite bent on making sure that Moses (and by extension the Hebrew people) know that sovereign power resides solely at the throne of heaven.

One other point about God’s goodness is worth noting, looking back at the section on evil, where we redefined evil as sin. God’s goodness, we can see from the language of Genesis chapters 1-2, was self-evident in creation. God looked on his creation and at each stage declared it, “good,” [16] with man & woman being “very good.”[17] When God assigns these values to creation in the beginning, he is looking out at this expression of his glory and, in effect, declaring them to be a part of himself. Remember that “only God is good” according to Jesus in Mark 10:18 [18], and yet creation at this point is considered by God to be “good.” Creation, then, as a whole (and not just the aspects of grace and wrath) is an expression of God’s glory and thus goodness, perfect in the beginning and later corrupted by sin.

What, then, is the problem?

If the problem of evil (or sin) is, as we’ve seen, simply part of the plan for God to express his glory via grace and wrath at sin, and that far from contradicting the existence of evil, God’s goodness makes use of it to this end, where does that leave us? What are the causes of the discomfort? What is the source of the problem of evil/sin? In my mind, having resolved the definitions above, there can be only two causes, and these do not exist by themselves. Most often these two causes exist side by side in the questioner. The first is a lack of understanding or respect for the absolute sovereignty of God. Put simply, we don’t know who we are before the holy throne. And how could we? With God made out in so very many Christian churches to be some sort of cosmic vending machine, where prayer is a currency exchanged for blessings; or perhaps the popular view of God as a permissive father figure styled after our mostly-absent baby boomer parents, who could blame the seekers and younger Christians of today for not understanding who God is, and by extension who they are? But it runs deeper than that.

America is a country founded on the idea of self-determinism, of self-reliance. We’re taught from a tender age to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and “succeed,” whatever that word is supposed to mean, and do it by our own volition. Never once is there heard mention of the idea that our fate might not be in our own hands, that all our attempts at control in our lives might be so much smoke and mirrors. As Americans, the idea of defiantly standing up to whatever may come, even to the point of death, and making of it what we can, is a core part of our cultural DNA. A favorite American poem by William Ernest Henley entitled “Invictus” ends:

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.[19]

How sad, then, that it is humanist nonsense.

The truth of the idea of “free will” is not the object of this discussion, though the idea itself is at the very heart thereof. John Calvin said in his masterpiece, “I abominate mere verbal disputes, by which the Church is harassed to no purpose; but I think we ought religiously to eschew terms which imply some absurdity, especially in subjects where error is of pernicious consequence. How few are there who, when they hear free will attributed to man, do not immediately imagine that he is the master of his mind and will in such a sense, that he can of himself incline himself either to good or evil?”[20] If only his fears had been unfounded. The idea of free will has poisoned the attitudes of mankind towards God, just as Calvin anticipated. Semi-Pelagianism, that is, the idea that man can better himself, change his nature, without the intervention of God, is pervasive both in the church and in our media. The snare of this trap lies in the idea that we can do objective good. Why is this a snare? Well, ask yourself, if you can do good, that is a work that God can deem worthy, what need have you of Christ? Paul says in Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”[21] Without Christ, those good works are as far beyond our reach as the stars. Also, as we have discovered in the section defining and discussing evil (or sin, rather), man is, to use the Calvinist term, totally depraved, meaning utterly incapable of objective good, among other things.

Renouncing the illusion of control, and acknowledging our inability to save ourselves, these are the first steps towards the Cross. They carry with them an inherent admission that God is sovereign, because if he is not, then he is as powerless to save us as we are. So what does that mean, that God is sovereign? I’ve touched on the subject briefly in a couple of places above, but what does it really mean? A.W. Pink treats the subject thusly in the introduction to his book on the same:

The Sovereignty of God. What do we mean by this expression? We mean the supremacy of God, the kingship of God, the god-hood of God. To say that God is Sovereign is to declare that God is God. To say that God is Sovereign is to declare that He is the Most High, doing according to His will in the army of Heaven, and among the inhabitants of the earth, so that none can stay His hand or say unto Him what doest Thou? (Dan. 4:35). To say that God is Sovereign is to declare that He is the Almighty, the Possessor of all power in Heaven and earth, so that none can defeat His counsels, thwart His purpose, or resist His will (Psa. 115:3). To say that God is Sovereign is to declare that He is “The Governor among the nations” (Psa. 22:28), setting up kingdoms, overthrowing empires, and determining the course of dynasties as pleaseth Him best. To say that God is Sovereign is to declare that He is the “Only Potentate, the King of kings, and Lord of lords” (1 Tim. 6:15). Such is the God of the Bible.”[22]

That God is sovereign, then, means that there is no event, no thought, no intention, and no decision about which he is not eternally informed and which does not lie within his permissive or declarative will. When we acknowledge this fact, side by side with the assertion that God’s goodness is expressed in his glory through the vehicle of grace and justice, we come to a place where we see that all that is, exists for his glory, and that it is his sovereign prerogative to make use of it to that end. It would be an understatement to say that this fact has been a source of near-endless controversy in the Christian world since the time of the apostles.

But an ignorance of who we are before God is not the only source of or perhaps reinforcement of our problematic American self-reliance. The postmodern movement has attacked the very idea of absolute truth, and along with it, absolute morality. We’re taught through television and movies, even in our literature classes, that truth is relative to the observer, and this attitude has in a great many circles translated into moral relativism.

Looking at the varied forms of depravity of people groups and individuals worldwide, the postmodern thinker says, “these people obviously do not hold to the same moral code, else their society would have stamped out their behavior as undesirable. That their moral code is different does not mean it is wrong, just that it is not ours.” Curious, as Genesis 6:6 says that, “every intention of the thoughts of [mankind's] heart was only evil continually,”[23] and Paul says in Romans 3, quoting various psalms,

“None is righteous, no, not one;

no one understands;

no one seeks for God.

All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;

no one does good,

not even one.”

“Their throat is an open grave;

they use their tongues to deceive.”

“The venom of asps is under their lips.”

“Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.”

“Their feet are swift to shed blood;

in their paths are ruin and misery,

and the way of peace they have not known.”

“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”

(Romans 3:10-18 ESV)[24]

The depravity of man is unambiguous in scripture. All have sinned, as Paul says, and fallen short.[25] Furthermore, scripture seems to indicate, and I believe truthfully, that we are not only incapable of doing objective good, but of judging objective good from evil reliably. Corrupted as we are by sin, our moral compass is compromised by our idolatry, by the animal appetites such as greed and lust that infest our subconscious. Again, referring to the voice of Christ to the Gentiles, the apostle Paul, “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” (Romans 7:18)[26] Paul is clear that while he knows the moral law laid down by scripture, his internal moral compass, his “flesh,” doesn’t point that way. It seems clear to me, then, that we as human beings are untrustworthy judges of right from wrong outside the guidance of scripture and the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Could this corruption by sin be the cause of the variance in moral codes from culture to culture across the globe? Absolutely. In Paul’s day he dealt with churches across the northeastern Mediterranean coast whose cultural variance in morals were a constant source of contention. His letters to the churches at Thessalonica and Galatia are of particular note, as these deal with these issues of cultural mores. In these letters, Paul does not understandingly acknowledge the cultural differences and afford them a voice on equal ground as a postmodern missionary might. No, Paul asserts the truth of scripture and of Christ with zero apologies. Were there any truth to the idea of moral relativism, Paul would not have bashed aside the cultural mores of these Grecian churches with such forceful language, I should think.

But regardless of the truth of the idea, moral relativism encourages people in our culture to value no opinion higher than their own, and leads in its own way to a strengthening of that American self-reliant spirit all on its own. After all, if your opinion on morality is as valid as anyone else’s, why should you submit to another’s? For that matter, why would you submit to the authority of an objective morality in God? Like the lack of knowledge or understanding of God’s sovereignty, the self-centered idea of moral relativism leads people to the place where they can believe themselves qualified and free to question and judge the decisions of God, based on their own internal read of what is right and wrong. It’s hard to conceive of something more absurd.

The twin truths of the total depravity of man and the sovereignty of God, then, contradict the very premises of our objections even from a humanist point of view. Sin and its effects are ours to own, and not his. In his wisdom, however, he has allowed us to fail so that he might show mercy on some and exercise justice on others as an expression of his glory. There is nothing immoral about God’s choice to do so, as the purpose of creation, his creation, is to display and share his glory. Explaining these truths to the seeker or Christian struggling with the idea of the problem of evil will be a delicate affair, but in the end the truth is the only answer that will suffice. Simply, the problem of evil is a failure of humanity to grasp the mind of God. In some ways this lapse can be forgiven, as the mind of God is unknowable in its entirety. Isaiah 40:13 is quite clear on this, “Who has measured the Spirit of the LORD, or what man shows him his counsel?”[27] But, there are many things God revealed specifically for us to know of him through scripture. This, I think, is one of those things.

[1] Heinlein, Robert A. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. New York: Galaxy Publishing Corp., 1966., 354

[2] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Genesis 6:5-8

[3] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Ephesians 1:3-14

[4] Calvin, John. Institutes of the Christian Religion. Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1845. 2.2.7 (Book.Chapter.Section)

[5] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Mark 10:18

[6] Piper, John. Total Depravity by John Piper. 1998. http://www.monergism.com/thethreshold/articles/piper/depravity.html (accessed 04 2011). Section 2, 1^st 3 paragraphs.

[7] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Job 38:1-11

[8] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Job 39:1-4

[9] Spurgeon, Charles H. “Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit.” God’s Glory and His Goodness. March 4, 1915. http://www.spurgeongems.org/vols61-63/chs3448.pdf (accessed April 2011). (1st page, 3rd paragraph)

[10] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Exodus 33:19

[11] Spurgeon, Charles H. “Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit.” God’s Glory and His Goodness. March 4, 1915. http://www.spurgeongems.org/vols61-63/chs3448.pdf (accessed April 2011). (2nd page, 2nd paragraph)

[12] Spurgeon, Charles H. “Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit.” God’s Glory and His Goodness. March 4, 1915. http://www.spurgeongems.org/vols61-63/chs3448.pdf (accessed April 2011). (2nd page, 3rd paragraph)

[13] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Romans 9:14-18

[14] Carson, D.A. The God Who Is There. Baker Books, 2010.

[15] Grudem, Wayne. Systematic Theology. Zondervan, 1994.

[16] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Genesis 1:4,10,12,18,21,25

[17] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Genesis 1:31

[18] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Mark 10:18

[19] Henley, William Ernest. Poem Hunter. 1875. http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/ (accessed April 2011).

[20] Calvin, John. Institutes of the Christian Religion. Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1845. 2.2.7 (Book.Chapter.Section)

[21] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Genesis Ephesians 2:10

[22] Pink, Arthur Walkington. The Sovereignty of God. Baker Books, 1984. Introduction

[23] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Genesis 6:6

[24] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Romans 3:10-18

[25] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Romans 3:23

[26] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Romans 7:18

[27] Crossway. Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2001, Isaiah 40:13

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. (Ephesians 4:25 ESV)

This strikes me as one of the most profound things I’ve ever read. In context, putting away all falsehood is a result, or a part, of “putting on” the new self after rejecting the old. I think the latter, on reflection, as what Paul implies here is not merely the eschewing of blatant falsehood but the surrender of illusions.

I’ll let that sink in for a sec.

So what does it mean to surrender our illusions? Well, we all have them, firstly. There is not a man, woman or child living that doesn’t tell themselves comforting stories about their environment to “civilize” their situations, their surroundings and their relationships with others. We ignore things we’re uncomfortable with and replace the truth with conveniently painted lies to make life less painful, make each breath a little easier. We “accentuate the positive” by simply focusing our attention there more firmly. How many people do you know whose lives echo the drama they see on television or in the movies, who are constantly weaving great epics around themselves? I know plenty, and I’m sure you do too.

But what Paul is calling us to here is in stark contrast with this common behavior. He’s calling us to place our faith in the truth, to embrace it and not color over its rougher parts nor paint the brighter bits in neon. We’re called to put away falsehood, let go of our illusions about ourselves and our standing before God and man, BUT WHY?

In this verse (and its context), I see an if-then relationship. Before we can speak the truth to each other and have it be of any use, be believable in any way, we MUST rid ourselves of illusion and live on the solid rock that is that truth. If we don’t live the truth, how can we expect people to believe the truth?

In case anyone is thinking that letting go of illusions is easy, ask yourself this: what have I loved this week more than God, and how was I hiding from that truth? What sins have I committed this week and rationalized behind convenient ideas of relative morality, so abhorrent to God, but useful when I’m the perpetrator?

This scripture pierces me to the core, and I don’t like what it tells me about myself… but I submit to it and the Truth to which it points.

To understand how excruciating this was for me, let me do some explaining. I was raised to believe that the Father and Husband is to provide for his family. The only guys who didn’t were deadbeats and junkies who were also likely to be addicted to drugs or alcohol and incapable of a lot of other things in life besides holding down a job. I wasn’t just depressed, here, I hated myself. I looked in the mirror and saw (still do to some extent) a weak, worthless drag on the lives of my family, and even at more than one point courted the idea of suicide.

Finally God granted us an opportunity here in Hattiesburg (I was certainly in no condition to give a great interview on my own), and I was able to accept. This position has provided me with the ability to allow Karri to stay at home and care for our children in comfort. My life turned around, and I was validated again. My ego soared and I excelled at my job…

…for a while.

Sometime in the middle of 2008, after moving to Hattiesburg and getting settled in with the new job, my marriage to Karri faced probably the single biggest crisis we’ve yet seen, and that’s saying something considering the things we’ve been through together. At that time, despite professing faith in Jesus, I was continuing in habitual sin, suffering from an addiction to pornography. After fighting over it numerous times, Karri made it clear to me that I could choose either my addiction or my family, but one would be leaving my life, and soon.

I prayed. Hard. I found myself, despite my success in my career, at the same place I’d been before, standing at the edge of a chasm, being crushed under the weight of self-hatred. Finally, and I don’t know what prompted this epiphany so don’t ask, I came to the conclusion that I was incapable of extricating myself from this situation without Jesus. I’m not exaggerating when I say I didn’t sleep for at least three days as I prayed and read an old bible I had lying around. Jesus showed me the pain I was causing my wife, showed me how unfulfilling my sin really was and led me to the place where I rejected the sin outright. Again, no exaggeration, with Jesus’ help I went cold turkey in a week on that particular grievous sin. It’s not the subject of this blog post, but I can’t help but gush… I may have begged Jesus to save me from myself years prior to this event, but it was here that I truly began to believe. This was my road to Damascus. Jesus healed me, a wretched sinner and leper.

Our marriage took some time to recover, and in the meantime, we decided to start attending church. As we searched for a Church, I talked more and more with my Dad, who is quite simply one of the most Godly men I know, and as we talked, I grew more convicted that I should be studying the Bible seriously. So, I began reading at Matthew and shortly afterwards, felt compelled to write about the conclusions and convictions that resulted from my reading. Over the course of the winter and spring months of 2009, God used that tug in my heart along with the observations of my then-pastor, friends and family to lead me to the place where he could make clear a calling to full-time ministry.

Now, I don’t know about any other pastor out there, I don’t know about anyone else called to ministry, but when that call was clear, there was no question of obedience. As good as I am at writing software, it is about as fulfilling as watching grass grow, and less exciting. I have NEVER been happy doing this, even when I was using it to fill a need better filled with Christ, namely my egotistical need for praise. So, I signed up for a trimester of classes at William Carey University with the stated purpose of completing my degree and moving on to Seminary (which one I have no idea).

Now all of this has been leading up to where we are today. I’m classed as a Junior at WCU, able to graduate next year if I apply myself. Last night Karri and I discussed the situation and agreed that it terrifies us both half to death. Before she’s able to get done with her schooling and get a job, I’m going to be ready to transition to a position in full time ministry. Our income will probably drop by half if we’re lucky, and we’re already not exactly the most fiscally responsible people in the world. One of the things I told Karri last night really floored me (does this happen to anyone else? Sometimes things escape my lips and not only have they not passed through any sort of filter, they aren’t my bloody thoughts at ALL.), “You remember a few years ago, when I was suicidally depressed over being unable to provide for us as a family? Now I’m staring at the same abyss, and I have to trust that Jesus will provide when I can’t.” Had a similar thought occurred to me four years ago, I’d have dismissed it outright and thought myself going more than slightly insane. Now? It seems perfectly natural. I cannot believe that Jesus would call me (and thus my family) to a life of servitude in His name and not provide for our needs. What really remains is to turn our desires to Him.

We have three computers when one or perhaps two would suffice. I have five guitars, three amps, and some very expensive software for writing music that I’ve rarely used. Eating at restaurants, even take-out, is a luxury. I have an addiction issue with video games that I need to work on. The kids are attracted to TV in an unhealthy way, such that they throw fits when we turn it off. We idolize good food such that we can’t make do with basics and leftovers when we need to.

All idols, all created things and incapable of granting us happiness. I have to trust that God will provide us with our needs, but I also have to believe that my desires will be better met in Him than in these things I’ve spent so much time and money on accumulating. So, this is the prayer I have been praying for the last few weeks, and will continue to pray:

King Jesus, thank you. Your will is better than any plan I could come up with, and more fulfilling than any diversion I can devise. Please, I beg that You would meet the needs of my family for sustenance, both physical and spiritual, and turn our hearts’ desires towards You. For, if we desire You and come to You, we cannot help but be satisfied. Guide our steps that we would walk in ways that please You, and give us Your wisdom to learn from the obstacles of the day. I pray that we will reflect Your glory and not add to your suffering on the cross, and beg the embrace of your forgiveness for our sins when we fail. May the knowledge of Your grace increase where we walk, as it is Your will. In Your gracious, strong name these things I do pray, and believe.

Amen.

-Evan

The Calling of Matthew

9 As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

10 While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples. 11 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

12 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Matt 9:9-13 (NIV)

Someone in my Sunday school class said a few weeks ago, as we were discussing the persistence of sin in the believer’s life after Justification (Romans 7), “but what happens when you try to witness to someone and they just throw back in your face, ‘you’re a sinner too, and you’re trying to tell me this?’” My response during the class was less tactful than I tend to try to be, but in my defense, I was a bit excited. See last post. I am a Bible geek and Jesus freak.

“But that’s the point, that’s the whole thrust of the Good News itself! We’re broken, each and every one of us, and in desperate need of a Savior who can set us free from slavery to the desires of the flesh, which never satisfy, they only make us desire them more!”

Our brokenness doesn’t disqualify us from presenting the Gospel to others. In fact, it can be a very effective tool in the hands of the Holy Spirit in getting across the deadly seriousness of our condition when we live without the Gospel. See, some people seem to think that their sin is a black mark on their walk with God, that He (and by extension, the Church) will somehow love them less because of their sin, and that their sin will diminish their social standing in the Church and with non-Christians.

(The latter of these may even be true in some so-called Christian churches, but I would be hard-pressed to admit the membership of any such congregation in the Body of Christ. A word to any suffering in such a situation: get out and seek a congregation where the love of God is displayed in His people. No vine that is connected to Him can fail to be overcome with love for sinners, that they might come to know Him as well and join in the great celebration of His love.)

In fact, if you read the scripture above, it isn’t the sin in the lives of these men that disqualifies them from participating in the healing mission of Jesus Christ, is it? Jesus didn’t shrug off the mantle of divinity and descend to be born a human being, live and love His Earthly family for a while before leaving home to teach and be rejected, ultimately to die in our place as sacrifice for our sin… for people who are perfect. On the contrary, He did all those things (and more) for the broken, the poor in spirit, the destitute and depressed. He came to remove the condemnation of the Law of God, that “sting” of death that sends the unrepentant to eternal separation from Him in hell. And there’s the key: repentance.

Should we be proud of our sin? No. Sin is always a cause for mourning, as it cannot fail to separate us from God, and anyone else against whom we’ve sinned. Our hope, our only hope, lies in the fact that Jesus bridged that gap by providing us with His perfect sacrifice. He meets us where we are, asks us to repent and confess our sins to Him so that he can cancel out their condemnation. By doing so, Jesus has made us righteous before God and thus capable of standing in His presence. But the first step is always the admission of and repentance for sin. Confess it and repent, then accept His forgiveness.

Jesus is pretty clear that the self-righteous (those who admit no faults) are not on his to-do list for salvation. Don’t be so preoccupied with hiding your sin, from your fellow Christians, from the lost or from yourself, that you lose sight of the simple fact that it is your brokenness that makes His Grace so amazing. If you sweep your sin under the rug for too long, you will lose the inevitable sense of wonder at that Grace, and then you really will be incapable of sharing it with others effectively.

-Evan

This week the full force of my geekiness has been turned towards the Bible as I’ve discovered and started to practice the Bible study technique that John Piper uses, called “Arcing.” It’s something that feels a little bit like forcing yourself to breathe, because we do this naturally whenever we read anything, discerning meaning from language. The catch is that this technique forces you into the author’s mind to discern not just any meaning but THEIR meaning for using this or that particular word or phrase. It’s not unlike sentence diagramming, but on a larger scale and much more fruitful in terms of the information you can glean from doing so.

John Piper here talks about this technique and basically says all the things I just said, but better… because he’s John Piper, and I’m Evan Weeks, and we can’t be compared in the same sentence while drinking unless you like beverage squirting out your eyes.

He has a site set up where you can basically learn how to create your own arcs hands-on, using a tool they’ve built into the site. If you pay a minimum $10 fee, you get a year’s access to actually store and share your arcs with others. I’ve done it. Yeah. I’ve got an arc up there on Romans 8:5-8, because we’re there in Sunday School right now, and because that section seemed the most logically straightforward to cut my teeth on this method. I was actually surprised how much more the passage spoke to me the more I cut it apart and reassembled it noting the logical relationships between the propositions. I do feel like I need a pocket protector with a cross on it now, though.

In all seriousness, I can already see that this technique is going to open windows on the will of God in ways I had never imagined. I encourage all of my friends and fellow disciples to take a look and maybe even do some learning. There’s a video series on the site detailing how to get started, as well as beginner and intermediate examples. Get to know this technique and use it! I’m going to!

Now, I want to get one thing out of the way right now: I am not blaming these people. This church is going through a crazy time right now as they reinvent themselves in this new location. People are going to cling to familiarity in this time, and I understand that. My thought is that perhaps Karri and I aren’t being outgoing enough. In some situations I’ve found it helps to take the first step and sort of “engineer” a situation that breaks ice and results in phone numbers exchanged and friendships begun.

It is, however, an interesting shift from our initial impressions. We were welcomed warmly at the door and some of the greeter volunteers and staff even learned our names. Beyond this, the warmth seems to have faded and it has turned into what, for me, is a very familiar situation. Once you’re in the door and we know your name at my home and the homes of my extended family, you’re expected to a) fend for yourself as far as food and drink and such go (we don’t mind providing it, but you’re gonna by-God serve yourself) and b) show some initiative by engaging conversation and helping us get to know you. Wrong or right, this is the way I was raised, and it has shaped a lot of the way I approach social situations. Karri has remarked on more than one occasion that I tend to be more outgoing, and I guess this is part of why. These are the expectations I grew up with when I was a guest.

So, I think we will try a little harder. We have a Sunday school Christmas party coming up this Friday, so that ought to give us some opportunity to meet and get to know the people in our class.

It’s no secret that my most fervent desire, socially, is to gather a small group of close Christian friends and meet once or twice a week in addition to Sunday and Wednesday to share in fellowship and study the Bible. I crave deep discipleship, and I’m coming to a point where I really need people of like mind and heart, people who are near where I am in my walk with Christ, not necessarily in terms of Biblical scholarship, but that of the hurdles and obstacles we face in our spiritual lives. I’m desperate for someone who’ll listen without going, “Wow you’re deep…,” someone who’ll say, “you know, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I faced that…”

Anyway, perhaps what we need to do is just be a little more outgoing and engage people where they are.

No, I haven’t heard people refer to the Church as the mediator of Grace. It’s not that wacky yet, so things aren’t dire, to be sure. But I keep hearing an overwhelming emphasis on mission in the community by inviting people to “come and see,” and virtually none on the preparation of disciples and raising of leadership to go out into the community and preach the gospel. It’s as though there’s an assumption that the Holy Spirit will only move people to repentance within the church community, or that the goal of the church is to expand itself, not to live for Christ and reflect God’s glory so that others may believe.

Jeff was talking about a book that I want to pick up last night, called the Principle of the Path, by Andy Stanley. Well, this attitude marks a path that leads to the prideful declaration that the visible church is the same as the invisible, and that somehow our way of doing things as a church is the anointed Way that Jesus had in mind when he talked about His Church, to the exclusion of all others. I don’t feel I need to explain the grave error of this sort of thing. As Dad said last night on the phone, “denominations are God’s way of compensating for our sinful inability to grasp the real Truth,” and provide us sinners the ability to have fellowship with people of like mind and experiences in our faith. No one church (or denomination), I don’t care how pious they are, has a monopoly on the true objective Truth. As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13, now we see through a mirror dimly. The full extent of the Truth that is God will be revealed only when we stand in His presence in the hereafter. If this is the path of the church as a whole, I hope we can swing things back to a focus on the Gospel humbly but fiercely and fearlessly preached, taught and lived. That is, I am convinced, the only Biblically correct definition of the mission of the global Church.

That said, I don’t think this is a systemic problem in First Hattiesburg, at least not yet. I don’t have a feel for the pulse of the place (there’s a LOT of people!), and I’d be very out of place bringing something like this up publicly I think. I might mention it in passing to Jeff, but other than that, I hope this is just me misreading something in the comments I’ve heard.

When I stepped back into the light and truly surrendered to God, it was… well, it would be really easy to cheapen with words in a vain attempt to describe it, but I can only liken it to an experience I’ve never had: dying.

No, I’m not kidding. Coming from where I was, with the shell of a man I had constructed around myself based almost entirely on clever deception, smoke and mirrors to make myself seem more than I was, the insecurity, the rage, the utter destructiveness (both self- and in general), it was nothing short of being completely released from the need for all that crap, something utterly out-of-body in nature. It didn’t end there, of course. I had to learn that each day I would be under attack by that old nature, sometimes stealthily, sometimes openly, and that I would need to lean daily (sometimes minute to minute) on the guiding hand of the Holy Spirit to get through the day without serious relapse. Sometimes we have success, sometimes I succumb. The fight continues, but only for the daily moment to moment vulgarities of this present fleshy prison. The war being fought for my soul was decided in that moment where I surrendered, and the freedom simply can’t be described. It has to be experienced to be understood.

(Yeah, I know, I said I would try not to cheapen it with words, and I wrote a freaking paragraph. I’m also a vain, verbose man with serious issues with the idolatry of intellect and the praise of man. God, save me from my own vanity.)

As a result, it’s very difficult for me to understand people whose experience of God has never been so dramatically personal. The whole slow-burn thing I get, and finding God in my day I certainly get, but how can people not get excited about being set free from slavery to sin? I really do not exaggerate when I say that God is present in just about my every waking thought. EVERYTHING is filtered through that lens, everything I do, everything I say, everything I THINK. Do others who haven’t had the radical life-shifting experiences I have think this way? Is there anyone else out there that lives like I do as a result of the Gospel?

Like I told my Dad last night, I feel like a radical amongst the “normal” people, regardless of where we go to church. I have to be careful about how I think about these guys. I do NOT want to discount their faith, but it is SO difficult when we come from such very different places. When I think of the word, “discipleship,” the very first things that pop into my head are Bonhoeffer’s description of “cheap grace” versus “costly grace,” and Jesus’ command for me to take up my cross and follow him, followed shortly by, “if you love me, do as I command.” These things DEFINE the growth of the Holy Spirit in my life, and when I don’t SEE these things in the people around me at church, it makes me self-conscious as hell, lol. I think, “well, am I a budding cult leader or something? Why is mine the only voice raised?”

So yeah, I just don’t understand. I don’t want to make it sound like I hold disdain for people whose faith doesn’t leave them gasping for breath all the time, nor do I want to make it seem like that’s the way it is for me, either. It is simply what I breathe. It has radically altered my life, and made me a radical for Christ in the process. Am I in the minority? Am I crazy? More, am I wrong to have embraced the Gospel like this and made it the center and sustainment of my life? I don’t think so (and scripture supports me pretty spectacularly), but I have been known to be wrong before.

God hears and answers prayers. I am, right now, being placed in situation after situation where I can learn this love, not just towards the nice benign puppies, trees, rainbows and flowers of this world, but the thorny, distorted, hostile and harmful bits. I’m learning how to love those who attack me, whether it’s justified or not. I’m learning how to step back and make decisions on how to behave and speak only after I’ve considered which path is most conducive to the increase of God’s glory through me. This week I had to learn how to turn the other cheek in a very real way, when my first instinct is, as always, to counterpunch as hard and viciously as I can.

God is also teaching me about suffering joyously. Over the last week, I’ve begun feeling drawn to charity sites, wanting to give as much as I can to things like Samaritan’s Purse, SCL’s Vietnamese School project, and as Abraham Piper pointed out earlier this week, adopt a child. The simple fact is that we are blessed with abundance. There’s pizza, hotdogs, lunchmeat, leftover taco meat, leftover hamburger helper and spanish rice in the fridge, along with assorted veggies and stuff like salsa. In the freezer, there’s a whole turkey, a couple of five-pound tubes of frozen hamburger, several bags of flash-frozen chicken breasts, and some frozen chili from last winter (still good, mind you). The pantry is stocked with more boxes of ready-to-make entrees, canned goods, and I think we still have most of a 50 lb bag of long grain rice. By the standards of the poorer parts of this world, we are fabulously, unfathomably wealthy.

I think Karri and I are going to start getting more involved than we have been. We’ve kicked around the idea of doing soup-kitchen and homeless shelter work on Thanksgiving and Christmas mornings. That will likely happen if I can get in touch with Christian Services here in town and figure out where to show up and volunteer. We’re also going to start tithing a bit more, which is to say we’re going to start tithing in general. I don’t know how much of it will go to our church. While I support them, and will likely tithe a portion to the church, there are other Christian charities out there that deserve our support.

Another idea that Karri and I are kicking around is adoption. We’re thinking we may try again for a boy in a few years, so we have another shot at a John Preston Weeks III, but I think we’re going to end up adopting as well. The way we look at it, we’ve been adopted into God’s family when we were dirtied, poor in spirit and in great need of some outside benefactor. The least we can do is to pay that forward and do the same for a child in need. God has blessed us with so much, how can we fail to share with those who have needs dire and immediate?

Lately I’ve been drawn towards mission work overseas as well, though I know the time is “not yet.” How I know that is something of a mystery (it very easily could be my own fear saying that, of course), but I don’t want to put my family in an even tougher situation, put strain on my marriage just as we’re really starting to gain some real, faith-founded strength. That seems to me to be a bit like flirting with disaster a bit overmuch. Now, that being said, if the church organizes a group and there’s some sort of childcare solution available, we’re outta here. I kinda want to go before the kids are in regular school and thus tied down to a specific place, since that makes getting care for them even harder. I don’t think it prudent to take them with us if we’re going places where Christianity is not exactly accepted and there is danger. If we’re going to the mountains of Tennessee, sure. If we’re going to Namibia, UAE, Yemen, Vietnam, China, Indonesia, etc… no. Whatever the schedule or hurdles, I think we’re going to end up overseas at some point in the nearish future, depending on the volunteer groups available and what kind of work needs to be done. I don’t think I’d be too useful if steel work needs to be done, but I can build a mean wheelchair ramp, paint like a wild man, and share the gospel to any who’ll stand still long enough to hear it.

Anyway, as for the unnamed detractors referred to at the top of this post, let me excerpt from the note I wrote to my wife as we sought to deal with the situation:

I must make a confession. Up to this point, I have not taken this seriously. Frankly, in the long term vision of the future, this petty drama matters only in how we handle it insofar as we are attentive to the will of God in moving forward. Our sufferings very likely could be our appointed cross to bear at this moment, and we need to have the humility to see that and ask God to light the path forward with His word, then suffer with joy, knowing our suffering brings us closer to Him.

With that being said the only possible response to the email we received, for a follower of Christ, is love.

“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ”
1 Cor 13:4-7 (NIV)

We’ve discussed this before, and it is, along with the following passage, the foundation for all of Christian life:

28 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.“32 “Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. 33 To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”34 When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.
Mark 12:28-34 (NIV)

Love, then, should mark the life of a believer regenerated and being sanctified by the continued work of the Holy Spirit.

So, in love and the hope of future reconciliation, not with us but with their creator, we must follow Paul’s instructions to the church in Corinth in 1 Corinthians chapter 5 and cast these people out of our lives in order that a) we might protect ourselves and our children from the corrosive effects of the Enemy’s will working in their lives and b) that they might walk in darkness and gain an appreciation for the light, that they might perhaps be saved.

I of course don’t wish harm on them, though in moments of anger I might say otherwise. I know, however, that a life lived apart from Jesus is harm itself. Am I judging their salvation? No. I am, however, judging the fruits of their lives.

19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Gal 5:19-26 (NIV)

Have we produced sinful fruits in our lives? Certainly. Whenever the sinful nature starts to creep back into our lives, the fruits of sin start to show their ugly faces. Our behavior in this time has been about as exemplary as can be expected. Our initial response was laden with sarcasm, yes. However, we were responding to an uncharitable remark made about us and our faith, and the shock of the event really brought the pain and grief of the week (and indeed years) prior out on full display.

Their behavior, however, has been nothing if not a perfect Biblical example of the fruits of the sinful nature. It’s exactly what could be expected of someone so far removed from the love of God. As Paul says back in 1 Corinthians 5, should we really expect those with no faith to behave as those who do possess God-given faith? No, we shouldn’t. So, while it comes as no surprise in eternal terms that they should behave the way they have, it is still shocking and dismaying that they would do so towards family. I suppose familiarity breeds contempt, but in this case they are not nearly so familiar as they claim to be. Assumptions and hasty conclusions lead them to a place where they have painted a picture that bears little to no resemblance to reality.

So, let us bid farewell to them. May God touch their hearts and bring them to Him on their knees before the appointed time of judgment so that they can share in the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control of God. If such a time should come, I hope they do consider re-contacting us. Until then, I hope and pray God does not burden their lives overmuch, and that they would be receptive to the lessons He is trying to teach. That is all I can do for them. Pray.

-Evan

P.S. Reading list for this week (and this is just a snapshot):

http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/gospel-cowards
http://firstthings.com/blogs/evangel/2009/11/whats-holy/
http://jonandjenzila.blogspot.com/2009/11/post-that-almost-wasnt.html
http://firstthings.com/blogs/evangel/2009/11/glorified-in-their-dishonor/
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2009/11/10/carson-on-the-purpose-of-the-parables/
http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/2093_when_you_dont_feel_like_it_take_heart/
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2009/4382_Satan_World_Providence_Christ/
http://teampyro.blogspot.com/2006/12/and-you-were-going-to-do-this-when.html

The kids are doing great. Lily bursts out with, “Jesus loves me!” at the dinner table after reminding me that we need to pray. Laurel will chant the prayer over and over as she eats (or refuses to, either way). I’ve started praying with Lily at night much more seriously, after we pray her singsong-y children’s prayer. I want her to hear me pray deeply and spirit-led, because I don’t want her to have the impression that such things are always superficial. Even if she doesn’t understand now, someday she may look back and hear those words and understand them.

As for myself… I think I may have reached a depth that I will have to stay at for a while as I acclimate and wrap my mind and heart around some things. I joke about rivets popping and joints spraying steam in the submarine that is my faith, but a few of the more recent revelations have been like depth charges in truth. Frankly, I’m struggling with how to apply these truths to my life without going batty and discarding the last bits of who I am, or was, and becoming some sort of hyper-spiritual Christian with no friends. How DO you give up everything without losing you? I’ve laughed and caroled my way to the edge of this precipice, talking up a great game about what I’d do, or mistakenly thinking I’d already done it, but now that I’m looking over the edge it’s very difficult to actually take the final leap and toss away the last bit (or what seems like the last bit) of the sinful me.

I’m talking here about giving up my idols. The things I cling to that tell me who I am. I spend loads of money every month on video games. I spend a lot of time on them as well. Guess what? The things we spend our money and time on are the things we worship. It’s an idol. We’ve also canceled DirectTV. Too often we can get pulled into the boob tube on some mindless escapist entertainment that is all too often just a provider of more ways the Enemy’s servants can sink hooks into us. So, when I’m home we hook my laptop up, watch the shows we really loved on iTunes or Hulu (Top Chef, Top Gear, etc) or sermons by John Piper, Driscoll, Pete Wilson, etc. We’ve recently listened our way through Focus on the Family’s radio dramatization of C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters as well. I feel like, to use a characterization stolen from Mark Driscoll, we’re charging the gates of Hell with waterguns.

Here’s one of my snags: if I were to excise from my life everything that is a stumbling block to giving glory to God, I might as well stop breathing right now. (No, I’m not suicidal. Far from it.) Really, though, the very fact of life on earth is a stumbling block to being a perfect reflector of God’s glory. There is no possible way to exist in the world we live in and not be affected by the rampant, gleeful sin that takes place around us. It’s infectious, virulent and almost always so small that by the time you’ve spotted it, you’re already guilty. I’m brought to a place where I ask the famous question, “How Should We Then Live?”

Thankfully, Francis Schaffer’s book by the same name is next in line on my stack. I’m also eyeing Desiring God by John Piper. I’ve yet to finish it and I think it’s time I really made my way through it seriously. There are two things lacking in the way I’m approaching my faith right now, so far as I can see it. First, I’m neglecting the Joy of God in His created things. I need to relax and see the world as God sees it, with unlimited love. Secondly, I have issues connecting deeper theological issues with people whose submarines(their faith) aren’t remotely ready to dive deep. Part of this may be my inability to see where they are in their faith and connect only appropriate truths for them, and part of it may be a sense of pride or arrogance on my part that wants to make some deep point and be praised for my depth of faith. Ugh. Makes my skin crawl when I catch myself doing stuff like that. I’m excited about my faith, yes. I’m an utter Jesus Freak and Bible geek, but when I start exhibiting it for the praise of man, I’ve completely gone off-track on a collision course with the Grace of God. I need to learn to help teach people at THEIR level, to put vast mysteries in little boxes they can open, digest and understand. Otherwise, how the hell am I going to reach a flock?

Oh, what truths have I been struggling with?

Every time God explains what He’s about to do, you know the reason He gives for whatever it is He’s about to do? “I will gain glory.” “It’s for my glory.” “I will be glorified.” Don’t take my word for it, go look. My favorites are Exodus 14, Isaiah 43:7, Daniel 9:17-19 (Daniel prays for Jerusalem’s salvation because it bears God’s name!), John 11 and John 13.

We exist, we scurry around this watery planet and draw breath after providential, miraculous breath for a single reason: to reflect God’s glory back to Him. The more we DO these things we were made to DO, the more content we become. When Paul talks about having found the secret to contentment in all things (Philippians 4:10-13), I think this is what he found. And you know the crazy thing? Having found it, I’m no closer to understanding or implementing it in my life. It’s the meaning of life, it’s the lasting, permanent, rock-solid filler for the hole in our lives, and it’s almost beyond our natures to actually DO it.

Had someone explained this to me just two or three years ago, I’d have rejected it outright. I’d have said, “no way can I follow a God whose only reason for creating and then allowing sin to corrupt, destroy and cause terror and pain is for His glory. That’s tragic, not triumphant. It’s an utter tragedy, and kills any hope of faith in my life.”

Now I’m where I am. I am saved by the unmerited Grace of my creator, and allowed, given the strength should I accept it, to walk the path Jesus showed us how to walk when He lived. God’s total self-concern isn’t tragic to me now, it’s hope. It’s a recognition that He is in fact God and I am not, and that this fact alone, long before His Grace saved me, obligates me to worship at His feet and reflect His glory as I am enabled by the Holy Spirit.

I give up my aspirations, my ambition for myself, my hopes and dreams of comfortable retirement in or around the caribbean, my desires to see my wife adorned in the best the world can offer in fashion and jewelry and for my children to want for utterly nothing. I give up my pain, my history of stupid mistakes and loud support for moral wrong. I give up my love of video games, motorcycles and comfort food. I give up my infatuation with the sound of my own voice and my own ideas, my pride in the intelligence and wisdom God gave me. I give up my self.

Substitute yourself for me, Lord. Take it all. Take everything. Take from me until there is nothing left of me, and then bring me alive in You. Give me Your fiery purpose, Your gentle touch, Your submission to the will of the Father, Your wisdom, Your love. Indwell me and let the fire of Your glory sear the wounds in my soul shut. Fill the emptiness with Your presence. Teach me to love my family, my church and my fellow man with the same reckless abandon with which You went to the cross. Open my eyes to my faults and show me how to correct them. Lead me, repeatedly, through the valley of the shadow of death, if by doing so I can gain You glory. Let every moment of pain I suffer as well as every pleasure and comfort give You glory and praise.

Show me what You showed Paul. Do in my life what I am incapable of doing myself. The changes I’ve made so far are the tip of the iceberg and are paltry compared to the glory that is You. Make my life a beacon of Your glory in the midst of a dark and sinful world that you might, through me, draw more to the wellspring of living water that is Your Son, Jesus. May the light You shine through me light the paths of those around me, whether they be few or many.

This prayer I pray this day and every moment of my waking life, in the strong and holy name of Jesus Christ, my risen and exalted savior. Amen.

PS: That prayer was… unexpected. I didn’t exactly sit down to write that… but rereading it, I really do mean it. I think this is what it means to really have a relationship with my creator. Oh man, was that a seal giving way in the corridor? *picks up 1MC* Damage control team to the bridge corridor *clicks off the mic* watch officer, what’s your depth?