Surrounded by the Faithful, but Still Alone?
I looked around, as I tend to do quite a bit, at church today and realized that Karri and I sit alone. A lot. Karri remarked on it today, that it seemed there was a buffer of seats around us and that the rest of the congregation/class had settled into little cliques around us.
Now, I want to get one thing out of the way right now: I am not blaming these people. This church is going through a crazy time right now as they reinvent themselves in this new location. People are going to cling to familiarity in this time, and I understand that. My thought is that perhaps Karri and I aren’t being outgoing enough. In some situations I’ve found it helps to take the first step and sort of “engineer” a situation that breaks ice and results in phone numbers exchanged and friendships begun.
It is, however, an interesting shift from our initial impressions. We were welcomed warmly at the door and some of the greeter volunteers and staff even learned our names. Beyond this, the warmth seems to have faded and it has turned into what, for me, is a very familiar situation. Once you’re in the door and we know your name at my home and the homes of my extended family, you’re expected to a) fend for yourself as far as food and drink and such go (we don’t mind providing it, but you’re gonna by-God serve yourself) and b) show some initiative by engaging conversation and helping us get to know you. Wrong or right, this is the way I was raised, and it has shaped a lot of the way I approach social situations. Karri has remarked on more than one occasion that I tend to be more outgoing, and I guess this is part of why. These are the expectations I grew up with when I was a guest.
So, I think we will try a little harder. We have a Sunday school Christmas party coming up this Friday, so that ought to give us some opportunity to meet and get to know the people in our class.
It’s no secret that my most fervent desire, socially, is to gather a small group of close Christian friends and meet once or twice a week in addition to Sunday and Wednesday to share in fellowship and study the Bible. I crave deep discipleship, and I’m coming to a point where I really need people of like mind and heart, people who are near where I am in my walk with Christ, not necessarily in terms of Biblical scholarship, but that of the hurdles and obstacles we face in our spiritual lives. I’m desperate for someone who’ll listen without going, “Wow you’re deep…,” someone who’ll say, “you know, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I faced that…”
Anyway, perhaps what we need to do is just be a little more outgoing and engage people where they are.
Perhaps you are correct about trying to be more outgoing, that’s a bit hard for me, but I’m willing to try. I actually don’t have as much of a problem with my small women’s Bible study on Wed. night.
But a few of the things we talked about are still true. The pastor is very unapproachable. They say that if you fill out a comment card someone WILL get in contact with you in the next few days, which has failed to happen all three times I’ve filled one out. And the general attitude as you walk through the main area of the church is that if they recognize your face, they don’t go out of the way to greet you or help you feel welcome. From the declining attendance in the worship service we go to, I’m sure we aren’t the only ones to notice it.
I’m not saying we should give up on the church! I really like the Wed. night group and the general way that the worship service is done. I’m not standing pretending to sing while praying that the music portion would hurry up and get over with
I agree about wanting to meet people who are more interested in studying the Bible. I’m nowhere near as scholarly as you are, but I’m at least reading and trying (not saying that others aren’t). But I’d like to meet someone who is genuinely interested in a closer walk, not just looking good on Sunday.
Perhaps we should switch where we sit… front area for worship service, back row for class, lol
May I make a suggestion…. Identify one couple that you feel you have some type of common interest with (whether that interest be Biblical desire or something more secular) and invite them to go to dinner with you. Food always brings people together….(well if its good food that is)….. Make the attempt to become genuine ‘friends’ with someone and then be patient and let things grow from there. We all have different needs… you articulated yours in regard to discipleship… the fulfillment of those needs can’t be manufactured but they can be nurtured. I hope you find that fulfillment of discipleship you are looking for my friend.